The Heart Behind the Locked Gate
Not every closed door is about ego—sometimes it’s about wounds.
When we hear the word gatekeeping, it usually carries a negative weight. We associate the word with someone with power holding onto it, blocking others, and deciding who gets in and who stays out. And sometimes, yes, gatekeeping is exactly that: ego at play.
But there’s another side of gatekeeping that doesn’t get talked about enough. The kind that comes not from arrogance, but from wounds. The kind that comes from leaders, often connectors, who once gave too freely, trusted too quickly, or opened doors that were later slammed in their faces.
Not every locked gate is about control. Sometimes, it’s about healing.
Gatekeeping from Ego
When leaders gatekeep from ego, it looks like:
Protecting status — fearing someone else might outshine them, so they withhold opportunities.
Creating exclusivity — making access feel scarce just to boost their own importance.
Withholding knowledge — using information as a way to keep power in their hands.
Blocking growth — discouraging others from pursuing paths that might challenge their authority.
Ego-driven gatekeeping is about keeping others small so the leader can feel big.
Gatekeeping from Wounds
But not all gatekeeping comes from ego. Sometimes it comes from pain. Healing-driven gatekeeping looks like:
Withholding introductions because trust has been broken.
Staying silent about opportunities after being embarrassed by someone mishandling a connection.
Resisting mentorship because they once poured into someone who later disregarded or disrespected them.
Pulling back on generosity because they felt used, unseen, or unappreciated.
This kind of gatekeeping is about self-protection and not control. It’s the reflex of a leader who has scars.
The Connector’s Burden
No one feels this tension more than connectors. Connectors are those generous leaders who naturally build bridges and create space for others to thrive. Connectors live to open doors, but they’re also the ones who bleed the most when betrayal or disappointment strikes.
If you are a connector, you may know the sting of watching someone mishandle the very opportunity you vouched for. You may know the embarrassment of putting your reputation on the line for someone who didn’t honor it. Over time, these moments make you hold your keys a little tighter.
And so, you begin to gatekeep. Not because you don’t want others to win, but because you’ve been burned before.
A Word to the Ego-Driven Gatekeeper
If you find yourself gatekeeping out of pride, fear of being replaced, or a desire to control access. Pause. Ask yourself honestly: Is this about protecting something sacred, or is it about protecting my status?
The truth is: leaders who hoard knowledge, opportunities, or connections eventually stunt their own growth. You may think you’re holding power, but really, you’re building a cage around yourself. Your unwillingness to create space for someone else to shine exposes how dim your light truly is.
Ego-driven gatekeeping creates isolation. It shrinks your influence instead of expanding it. The very thing you’re afraid of, like being forgotten or irrelevant, becomes the outcome of your own withholding.
But there’s another way. When you release with generosity, you multiply your impact. When you pour into others, you expand your legacy. The doors you open for others will circle back to open bigger doors for you.
Affirmations for the Ego-Driven Gatekeeper
I am secure in who I am. Another person’s success does not diminish mine.
The more I release, the more I expand.
Opportunities multiply when I share them.
I do not need to hoard influence to prove my value.
My legacy grows when I invest in others.
I am confident enough to open doors without fear of being replaced.
Collaboration strengthens my impact more than competition ever could.
Power is not meant to be guarded. It is meant to flow.
The Healing Gatekeeper
Gatekeeping from wounds is understandable. But there’s a hard truth here as well. When you hold too tightly, you don’t just keep others out, you keep yourself from receiving, too.
Healing as a gatekeeper means finding the balance between discernment and fear. It means learning that boundaries are not walls, and that wisdom doesn’t have to harden into bitterness. You can be wise with your keys while still allowing yourself to open the right doors. That is how you move from guarding in pain to leading in peace.
Affirmations for the Healing Gatekeeper
For every leader who has been hurt and now holds back, here are affirmations to release what weighs you down and open yourself to healing:
I can set boundaries without closing my heart.
I release the need to control outcomes. I trust divine timing.
I am not defined by past betrayals. I am free to connect again.
My wisdom guides me in opening the right doors at the right time.
My generosity flows from a place of strength, not fear.
I am a safe steward of opportunities, and I trust that blessings also return to me.
For the ego-driven gatekeeper, power isn’t proven by what you withhold. It’s multiplied by what you release. Free yourself.
For the wounded connector, may this season be one of healing. One where your scars turn into wisdom, your wisdom flows into generosity, and your generosity leads you back to joy.
For the healing gatekeeper, may this season be one where you unlock what’s safe, guard what’s sacred, and trust that nothing meant for you will ever pass you by.
Not every gate is meant to stay open, and not every gate is meant to stay shut. The power of leadership lies in knowing the difference.
If this article resonated with you, I’d love to hear your reflections.
How have you seen gatekeeping, whether from ego or wounds, show up in your own life or leadership? Share your thoughts in the comments.
I’ll be expanding on this topic in my upcoming Substack notes, where I’ll break down The Hidden Faces of Gatekeeping in more detail. And soon, I’ll be adding a subscription level for readers who want to go deeper with me. Dive deep for exclusive essays, live conversations, podcast episodes, and healing practices for leaders. Stay tuned.